Psychologists define sex addiction as a ‘progressive intimacy disorder that is characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts.’ Is it possible that people who engage in adult dating and swinging activities are addicted to sex? Certainly, in some cases the answer may be yes.
Amongst those who regularly attend swingers club parties or are constantly signing up with one adult dating site after another, there are clearly indications of behaviour that would meet the psychologist’s criteria. Anyone who has spent time in the company of some of these people will probably recognise the sort of behaviour described below.
One Track Conversations
However hard you try to make everyday conversation with adult dating sex addicts, they will always bring it back to a topic directly connected with adult dating. For example, if you try to talk about a pleasant weekend spent in a certain place, they are sure to ask you whether you found a swinger party to attend there. If you talk to them about a holiday abroad, they are likely to pass comment on the country’s attitude towards sexual liberation. If the snow is stopping people getting to work, they will tell you how it messed up with a date or party they had planned. If a summer heat-wave is forecasted, their spin on it is bound to include reference to outdoor sex or scantily dressed women.
You don’t actually have to meet these people in person to gain experiences of the way they converse. Try logging into an adult dating site chat room; you’ll soon observe plenty of examples. The sex addicts will try to dominate the proceedings with a great deal of boasting and point-scoring about their knowledge of the adult scene, how many clubs they have been member of, how many club owners they know personally and irrefutable opinions of where the best parties are to found.
The Meaning of Life
They give the impression that the only life they have is their sex life. Practically everything they do revolves around their adult dating plans. If they have a family gathering to attend, you can be sure that they will be fretting about how it clashes with a meeting or party they had hoped to go to. When they plan their vacation they are likely to investigate whether the resorts they are considering are near to any swinging clubs. Some will actually restrict their holiday choices to designated adult resorts such as Cap d’Agde in France or the Desire resort in Mexico.
Possession of a Special Gift
There is amongst adult dating sex addicts, a widespread belief that somehow they have earned a good sex life by virtue of superior the sexual techniques they have acquired, or by excelling at flirtation, or simply because they are regarded as irresistibly attractive to others.
Dismissive of the Dangers
It is not uncommon for sex addicts to have an obsessive desire for unprotected sex backed up by being in a state of total denial regarding the risk of catching sexually transmitted diseases. With regards to HIV, the rationale you will hear most often from such people is that infection is really only a threat to heterosexuals in Sub-Saharan Africa.
Whilst anyone who has been involved in adult dating will have probably come across people who exhibit many of the signs of sex addition described above, it should not be concluded that all adult dating is simply a manifestation of sex addition. It is inevitable that within the numbers of singles and couples who enjoy the swinging lifestyle there will be a far greater proportion of sex addicts than in the population as whole. However, that still leaves plenty of people who enjoy the adult scene who do not exhibit any obsessive compulsion towards it. These people join adult dating clubs because they simply want to enjoy recreational sex with like-minded individuals and in doing so experience liberation from the conventions of main stream society.